Leading a memorial for a 37 year old wife and mother of a 5 and 8 year old who died unexpectedly is just one of the things I did this week to live out my calling. Not necessarily a glamorous job—this thing of being a pastor. But it is rewarding to know you are walking along side someone in their worst moments of life and maybe bringing a bit of comfort and hope to go on. I had the opportunity once again to ask the rather somber crowd, “How do you want to be remembered?”
We should all ask ourselves that question on a regular basis until we are sure we have a clear and concise answer. How do you want to be remembered? It is a foundational question for establishing a purposeful life. It is core question in forming a life plan.
My friend Steve Spring has been writing about the importance of writing a life plan. In his blog this week, he used Stephen Covey’s suggestion of imagining your own funeral. He suggested two simple steps. First, imagine the important people who might attend your funeral: your spouse or significant other, your children, your family, your friends and your co-workers. And second, what are they saying about you as a husband, a parent, a friend and co-worker? Steve would direct you to go through each of your responsibilities in life and write down what you want people to say about you in this role when you are gone? Sobering but powerful.
As I moderated the public sharing time at the memorial service this week, I heard multiple people from this young woman’s life get up and talk about the impact she left as a friend, a co-worker, a daughter and more. I sort of doubt if this 37 year old had intentionally gone through this exercise to prepare for this moment, but I can only imagine she was extremely pleased by what each person said. She was a woman of purpose. A woman who authentically loved others. A woman who worked hard, served joyfully and gave generously of herself.
What will the most important people in your life say when you are gone? The good news is, you are reading this so there is still time to make adjustments and changes. What steps or action will you take this week to make sure you are remembered in the way you wish to be? Do you need to change anything at home? At work? With God?
QUESTION: What is the most important thing you would want said about you at your funeral? Share it in the comment section below.
What do you think is most powerful two-letter word in the English language? I vote “No.” Yes, I think no is the most powerful word. This word will save you future headaches and heartaches. It will protect your family. It will improve your marriage. It will enhance your leadership. It will focus your time. As difficult as it is to spit out, it’s a word that will increase the quality of your life.
Don’t misunderstand me. I love to empower people. I love to help people as much as I can. I love to say yes, whenever I can. My wife teaches parents to find ways to eliminate no out of their vocabulary and use yes as much as possible when speaking with children. I think she’s right. I hate hearing repeated “no’s” coming out of a parent’s mouth. So, I love the word yes! I really do.
But, please gain the courage to say no. You need that ability. If you know it is not going to work, say no. If you know you can’t support it, say no. If you know the answer is no and you eventually will have to say it anyway, say it now. If you know you don’t have time, use this powerful little word. If you know it’s a distraction from the vision and mission, just say so. If you know deep inside your leader gut that the best answer is no, be bold.
Don’t lead people on. Don’t try to appease. Don’t try to postpone. Don’t try to soften the blow. Just use the magic word, no.
Most of us find it hard to say no for one or more of these common reasons:
- You want to help.
- You are afraid of being rude.
- You want to be agreeable.
- You fear conflict.
- You fear lost opportunities.
- You don’t want to burn any bridges.
But I’m convinced that these reasons are more misconceptions than anything. Saying no doesn’t mean I need to say it rudely or without compassion. Saying no doesn’t mean there will be conflict or burning of relational bridges. At the end of the day, it’s about HOW you say no that affects the outcome, rather than the fact you are using this powerful word. Saying no is about respecting and valuing your limited amount of time, your calling, your God-given purpose, your mission and your space.
Here are some phrases that might help you say no:
“I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.”
“I’d love to do this, but…”
“Now’s not a good time but how about we reconnect at X time?”
“I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?”
QUESTION: What would you add to this list? Please share it below.
I was a new pastor in town attending an event where I knew almost no one. A 56 year-old “banker” made his way across the room to introduce himself to me. His name was Mahlon Hetrick. I never forgot what he told me next.
Mahlon told me he had spent 30 years in banking—working his way all the way to the top. He was successful in every measurement of the banking world. He solved people’s problems by loaning them more money. He got rewarded with bonuses and promotions by getting more people into more debt. He told me he spent three decades treating the symptoms of money problems but never knew how to get to the root of their problems. And then one day he got laid off. Everything changed.
Never debt free in 30 years of banking, Mahlon paid off all his debts during 11 months of unemployment. He started Christian Financial Counseling, using the Bible as his “Book of Finance.” He didn’t charge for his counseling services. He only accepted donations. He relied on churches and their support of the mission God sent him on.
Next week, Mahlon is retiring from his ministry that he started 30 years ago. According to a newspaper article, he has counseled more than 20,000 people, conducted almost 50 business seminars, and presented nearly 300 seminars in churches—including quite a few in the church I’ve pastored the past 27 years.
I know Mahlon experienced success in banking but he found significance in helping people get to the root of their financial problems—their outgo exceeded their inflow. Mahlon has left a legacy far beyond Southwest Florida where he has lived. His books, his seminars and his counsel have had multiplied impact across the country. His influence will be felt thru the generations and for all of eternity. Thank you, Mahlon for your impact on my life and all of the people I’ve sent to you over the years.
There’s nothing more inspiring to me than to see people leverage their second half to leave a legacy of significance. I love to watch people in their 50’s make adjustments to life circumstances and then take risks of the unknown as they move into new territory, knowing God has called them and He will provide for them.
How about you? Are you living for success or significance? Is there anything God is asking you to risk? Is there a dream in your heart and mind that God has planted but you’ve been afraid to step out into the unknown? What is one step you could take this week to move toward that significant calling? Remember, the best tasting fruit is out on the limb.
QUESTION: What challenges you most about Mahlon’s story? Please share it below.
Napoleon Hill said, “Procrastination is the bad habit of putting of until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday.” Are you as good at procrastinating as I am? What is it that you are putting off? What is it you know should have been done—or at least started—a long time ago?
Your answers to the above question might range from cleaning out the garage or a closet, all the way to doing something bold or daring or risky that you sense God is calling you to do. Or your answer might include forgiving someone who has hurt you or making amends for something you know that you have done to someone. So what is it for you that you tend to procrastinate on?
Cleaning out a garage or a closet is usually as simple as putting it on the calendar and following through with it on the day you’ve scheduled it. The other scenarios—usually not so simple. They are often quite tough to follow through with. The first ones expend physical energy and the last ones require lots of emotional and spiritual energy.
Here’s a scripture that can give us some powerful insight into beginning the journey of facing procrastination of those more difficult undertakings. Hebrews 12:1 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”
Let me suggest three things from this passage that can help you:
Reach Out to Friends – God-centered, well-grounded friends are invaluable when it comes to helping us get unstuck or dealing with tough things in life. God never meant for us to go through life in isolation. He wants us to lean into our friends when we have to deal with situations or circumstances that are difficult to face. The right kind of friends will offer you wisdom, share their experience, give you encouragement and lift you up in prayer. Humbly reach out and take advantage of the help that God offers us through good friends on the journey.
Face the Hindrances – This is going to require honest self-reflection, and being honest with God. Over time, if you are open and real before God, it is amazing how He will show you what is in the way and what is holding you back. And then go to Him for the healing, the mercy and forgiveness, the grace that you must first receive in order to go and do what must be done to be free from the hindrances that hold you back.
Persevere – Staying the course, running the race and finishing strong are vital to procrastination. You must not grow weary but do that which you know needs to be done and follow through with what God is calling you to do! And when you do preserve, it will always be worth it. The fruit of your hard work pushing on through to the back side will be more rewarding and gratifying than you can ever imagine while you are on the front side.
So, what are you waiting for?
QUESTION: Do you have a story of pushing on through a tough spot to victory? Share below.
In the busyness of life, we can get so focused on the “What” of our journey that we miss out on the “Why.” We easily can tell people what we do each day by talking about our schedules and the tasks we have completed. But my question to you is: Do you ever slow down long enough to know why you do what you do?
There are certainly some folks and some organizations that can’t answer even a what they do question in a succinct and clear way. But the why question is even more important to be able to answer if you want to live with meaning and significance.
There’s a lot of emotion in the why you do something. Why you are doing something answers the inspiration question…Why should I care? Why should I give my time, my energy and my life to this task, cause, ministry or organization?
Simon Sinek wrote a great book on this topic, Start with Why. Here’s also a link to his 18 minute TEDx talk by the same title. Without the why, the work becomes nothing more than just a job. If you are a leader in an organization, you will only be able to inspire others to action in proportion to your ability to articulate the why. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know the how and the what. But you must start with the why.
How about your own life? Do you know the why? The first and ultimate question in Philosophy 101 and at the end of the Ph.D. is the same–“Why am I here?” Down deep inside all of us there is a curiosity that leads us to ask the question. Finding one’s life purpose is a big topic to unpack in a short blog post. But here’s a short 20-page ebook you can download if you want to take this a step further. I highly recommend it. It will help you get a bead on your purpose and answer the ultimate question of life.
If you will discover the bigger over-arching question of why, it will help immensely when it comes to knowing the day-to-day and vocational answers. The life purpose statement I wrote a few decades ago is: “To be an authentic connection between God and people through exercising my leadership gifts and unique personality.” It gives me the why of what I do day in and day out.
My personal mission statement is: “Inspiring Transformissional Living in Others.” It keeps me focused. It’s my filter. It helps me to know what to say “yes” and “no” to on a daily basis.
What step will you take today to make sure you discover or rediscover your why in life. When you discover it, it will make a difference.
QUESTION: What is the “Why” in your life? Please share it if you can articulate it in a sentence or two.
May is “Older Americans Month” according to the Administration on Aging. This year’s theme is “Unleash the Power of Age.” I don’t feel like this applies to me. I’m only 59 going on 39. But truth is, since 2011 when the first Baby Boomers (born 1946-1964) turned 65, 8,000 more join them each and every day. As this unique cohort grows older, it will likely transform the institutions of aging—just as it has done to other aspects of American life. The big question is, will boomers redefine this life stage, or will it redefine them?
When you look back at the way things were when the parents of today’s boomers began to retire, it’s not today’s reality. It’s no longer your father’s retirement. Times have changed. There’s a revolution of technology. There’s the prospect of economic uncertainty. No longer do people in their 60’s need to be shunted to the side and grudgingly admit the world no longer belongs to them.
The Baby Boomers who are turning 65 today no longer accept the term “senior.” They think it doesn’t apply to them. They believe they are healthier than their parents were at the same age. Many boomers think they will want to (have to?) continue to work past the traditional exit ages of 60, 65 or even 70.
My son Chad sitting on my Grandmother’s ATV
Most boomers believe they’re hip. They feel like they act younger than their age. They try to look youthful. They’re more aware of their appearance than previous generations. They love to do youthful activities. A fairly high percentage of them like to keep up with the latest technology.
So what about you? How are you doing with this aging thing? Whether you are 30, 40, 50 or 60, are you redefining your stage of life or are you letting your stage define you?
My grandfather with my son Chad in his “Trophy” room
My maternal grandmother use to say, “Age is only a number.” As I reflect on her life, what I think she meant by that was this: It’s okay to buy the latest and most powerful all-terrain vehicle and have fun riding it while in your 70’s. It’s okay to think young and dress young. It’s okay to drive a sports car. It’s okay to enjoy recreation and having fun with the grandkids. My grandfather hunted big game all across the western hemisphere while in his 70’s and 80’s. Both of them lived to at least 90.
As I begin to look at my 50’s in the rearview mirror, I want to unleash the power of age. I love investing in the next generations below me. I love to inspire transformissional living in others. I love new challenges, growing and learning. I think the best is yet to come! How about you?
QUESTION: What is one thing you are doing to unleash the power of your age? Share it in the comment section below.
Do you know the common link is between the second Sunday in May, the highest number of phone calls in one day, packed restaurants and Anna Jarvis? The connection goes back over 100 years. Mother’s Day is the touch point.
Joyce Gingerich, Dennis’ Mom
Anna Jarvis, an Appalachian homemaker nearly 150 years ago, organized a day to raise awareness of poor health conditions in her community. She believed this cause would be best advocated by mothers, so she called it “Mother’s Work Day.”
In 1905 when Anna Jarvis died, her daughter (also named Anna), began a campaign to memorialize the work of her mother. It is said that Ann remembered a lesson her mom taught at church where she said, “I hope and pray that someone, sometime, will found a memorial mother’s day. There are many days for men, but none for mothers.”
So Anna began to lobby prominent business and political leaders, including Presidents Taft and Roosevelt, to support her mom’s dream of a special day to honor mothers. In 1908, at her church in West Virginia, Anna organized a service to celebrate her mom and handed out her mother’s favorite flower, the white carnation. Five years later, the House of Representatives adopted a resolution calling for officials of the federal government to wear white carnations on Mother’s Day. Finally, in 1914, Anna’s efforts paid off when President Woodrow Wilson signed a bill recognizing Mother’s Day as a national holiday.
Linda, Dennis’ Wife
Over the last 99 years, Mother’s Day has progressed from writing letters to mom, attending church with her and eventually sending cards, presents and flowers. With the increased consumerism and evidence of the sentiment being sacrificed at the expense of greed and profit, Anna Jarvis became so enraged that she filed a lawsuit to stop a Mother’s Day festival. Before her death in 1948, Jarvis actually said she regretted ever starting the Mother’s Day tradition.
Mother’s Day has flourished in the United States. It is the most popular day of the year to eat out, telephones lines record their highest traffic of the year and over 9 million greeting cards were sent in 2012, making Mother’s Day the third largest in holiday card volume.
Charissa, Dennis’ Daughter
But beyond all the facts and history, this is the day to celebrate and honor mothers, motherhood, step moms, foster moms and the influence of any other mother figure in your life. Everyone has a mother. No exceptions. Some of us have the privilege of our mothers who still influence our lives. Some of you are mothers. Some of you have mothered someone else’s child. Some of you moms have experienced the pain of losing a child. The circumstances of your birth might mean you don’t know who your mother is. Maybe your mother is no longer living and this is a difficult day for you. Maybe you are not relationally connected to your mother and the thought of Mother’s Day stirs up more pain. I pray you will be able to express your appreciation to some woman who reflects the positive characteristics of a mom in your life.
For me personally, this will be a very special Mother’s Day. My mother Joyce is 80 and still living. My wife Linda of 38 years is the amazing mother of our two awesome sons and a very lovely daughter. My daughter in-love Lisa is a super mom to our two grand daughters. And to top it all off, that beautiful daughter of ours is a mother-to-be for the first time, carrying twins—our third granddaughter and our first grandson—due in August. It will be an extra special Mother’s Day in our household. May God bless your Mother’s Day celebrations!
QUESTION: What’s your best memory of your mom or mother figure? We’d love to hear it in the comment section below.
It was 27 years ago this week that our two-vehicle caravan pulled into town. With a loaded rental truck and our car trunk packed full, we were filled with anticipation, adventure and maybe just a tad bit of anxiety. There were no guarantees. Moving our family of five—with three children ages 10, 7 and 2, thousands of miles from our nearest family members was no small commitment. We only knew two other couples in our new location, but they were ready to go on the journey with us.
My wife Linda and I left our home communities in Oregon and Ohio to start a new church in Cape Coral, Florida. Following a call and a dream, we left the familiar to embrace the unfamiliar. We stepped out of our comfort zone to move into the unknown.
These mileposts on the journey are always a good time to rewind the video and to reflect on life, the journey, and the learnings. Here are few that came to my mind this week:
Awed but not Surprised – I’m frequently get asked if I’m surprised by the fact that a group of three couples has turned into over 1,800 people worshipping God on two campuses at Cape Christian every weekend. The answer is “no.” I’m not surprised because, as a leader with a clear mission, I made a lot of decisions and choices along the way to create an environment for this to happen. But I am always awed by the way God has been at work and how He has used our lives to start a movement that is transforming so many lives.
Short-term vs. Long-term – I think often of the decisions that were made to “let go of the good so we could go for the great” (Jim Collins). From restrictive structures to releasing strategies, from keeping control to giving away power, from small thinking to expanding our vision, I’m grateful we pushed out into new territory for the sake of the long-term rather than staying comfortable for the short-term. The results of long-term thinking has finally become obvious.
Perseverance and Patience Payoff – There are many examples that come to mind when I think back over 27 years of entrepreneurial church building. None is quite so obvious to me as the audacious decision to purchase 48 individually-owned properties to assemble a 3 city-block tract of 14 acres on a major thoroughfare. There were a few other large tracts of land to choose from at the time but none of them met the 3-point criteria of location, location, location. They were tempting because of the ease and quick possibility of having our own property. But the hard work of tracking down 48 landowners from around the world and convincing them to sell their parcel was well worth the 10 years of perseverance, patience and prayer.
Risk is Worth the Reward – Investing in next generation leaders can be a huge risk. It means a lot of mentoring, much trust, and letting go of the secure. Choosing to empower young less-experienced leaders to lead is always a challenge. Sometimes it meant losing good friends and supporters. I don’t have a single regret. Now, those young leaders are repeatedly hitting home runs. And the rewards of seeing the next generation catch the vision and expand it—there is simply nothing else as quite as exhilarating.
In your life right now, are there any areas where you need to take some risks, look at the long-term and persevere? What decision will you make today that will pay huge dividends 27 years from now?
QUESTION: Did you make a decision years ago that really paid off? Please share it below.
19% will go to their place of employment this week wishing they were some place else, according to research by the Society for Human Research Management. 81% of U.S. employees indicated overall satisfaction with their job in 2012. But much more alarming is a Gallup Management Journal article that claims only 29% of employees feel engaged in their work. The other 71% show up, but are psychologically absent and generally non-productive.
As one who has regularly loved my work 99% of the time over the last 34 years, I can’t quite imagine being motivated to get out of bed and go to work if I didn’t regularly experience satisfaction or engagement with my work. If only financial necessity drove my job choice or going to work at all, I think I would soon be disillusioned and discouraged.
I wonder if the stats above are at all related to a quote I read the other day by Psychologist William Marsten who said, “94% of people have no definite purpose for their lives.” I believe so. A lack of connection to what you do for a living usually reflects a lack of purpose and meaning in life.
In counseling hundreds of people over the years who are trying to discover and develop greater clarity and focus in their lives, I have noticed four attitudes toward work:
“It’s just a job.” – Show up, do the minimum and collect a check. No attachments to the role, company, ministry, associates or purpose.
“I do it for the security and stability.” – Some identification with the company and associates, but really there for the paycheck.
“It is my profession or trade.” – Provides some personal satisfaction and challenge, money is important, and identification with role and organization can be present as well.
“This is my purpose in life. I am called to do this!” – Using your gifts for the intent that the Creator has ordained while filling a need and getting paid for the service.
This is what I’ve noticed. When you understand and grasp your God-given purpose, you gain clarity and direction needed to:
- understand yourself
- recognize your gifts and your passions
- choose activities that align with your purpose
- experience real satisfaction in your job and life
When you are aware of your purpose, and you make decisions that are in line with that knowledge – you will be able to put your skills and talent to work in roles that maximize enjoyment, effectiveness and results. Are there any steps you need to take this week to make sure you are one of those experiencing purposeful work?
QUESTION: Do you have a clear picture of your God-given purpose? Can you share it in a sentence or two in the Comment section below?
Breaking News! A 75-year-old man starts a bold new ministry! He moved to a new country and started on an adventure that most 25 year olds wouldn’t likely tackle. Now, that bit of news is about four thousand years old. Most everyone acquainted with Jewish and Christian history, knows this most memorable dude!
Here’s the story. “The Lord had said to Abram, ‘Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you. I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you;
I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you,
and whoever curses you I will curse;
and all peoples on earth
will be blessed through you.’ So Abram went, as the Lord had told him; and Lot went with him. Abram was seventy-five years old when he set out from Harran. He took his wife Sarai, his nephew Lot, all the possessions they had accumulated and the people they had acquired in Harran, and they set out for the land of Canaan, and they arrived there.” Genesis 12:1-5 (NIV).
You may think it’s crazy for a near 60 year old to say this, but I really do hope that God is still calling me to something new when I’m 75. I really do hope he still calls me to walk by faith. I want him to stretch my small dreams into large ones. I long for him to motivate me to more than I could ever imagine. I don’t want to miss a moment of what God has for me in my life. John Barrymore expressed it well, “A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.”
I did what Abram did when I was 32. I moved my family to Cape Coral, Florida to launch a new church with only two other support couples. I’ve been privileged to be a blessing to others. And I never want to stop being used by God. There’s nothing better.
The month of May is known as Older American’s month as proclaimed by the Administration on Aging. Let’s celebrate the value, the accomplishments and contribution of older adults in our culture. Let’s find ways to honor older adults who have blessed us, mentored us and walked the journey before us. And remember what Mark Twain said, “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
But even more, if you are an older adult, don’t be afraid to be bold. Try something new. Take a risk. Do what God calls you to do. Let him stretch you and your dreams. For Abraham, at age 75, the best was yet to come. For me, I happen to believe the best is yet come. Count me in. How about you?
QUESTION: What is one area that God is calling you to take a risk? We would love to hear it in the comment section below.
