It’s almost Father’s Day weekend again! A year ago, I was on a fourteen hour three-leg “red-eye” flight from Florida to Oregon to be with my dad. After speaking with him by phone nearly every day during his month-long stay in the hospital, I wanted to spend more time with him and try to help my nearby siblings encourage him as he was discharged into a rehabilitation facility. His excruciatingly painful and debilitating back surgery left him unable to walk and care for himself.
Thurlowe Gingerich, my dad.
I’ve been reflecting on this past year and what I’ve learned from my dad through this experience. Even though he spent three months in a rehab facility, he finally was able to go home. Even though he couldn’t stand or walk for nine months, he now can do both with the help of his walker. Last week, he drove his car again for the first time in a year.
Here’s what I’ve learned from my dad:
Attitude Determines Altitude – There were times when my father wanted to give up and just die because the pain was so severe. There were moments when he wondered aloud if he would ever get out of his wheelchair. But most of the time, he chose to refocus his attitude and make the best of the situation and not spend his entire life focused on the “what ifs” and the worst-case scenario.
Perseverance Pays Off – While visiting him again over the Christmas and New Year holidays, I watched my dad strain with every ounce of energy as he grabbed a wall bar and barely pulled himself up out of his wheelchair to stand for 30 seconds and then lowered himself down, totally exhausted and in pain. But, repeated 30-second attempts progressed to 60 and then 90 seconds of standing. Just a couple months ago, I remember how he celebrated on the phone because he was able to stand 3 minutes, and then 4 minutes and 5 minutes at a time. And, the same with walking – one step, two steps, 10, 25, 50 and more.
Dennis and his father last summer
Determination Inspires Others – Over the last year, my dad has had several physical therapists. One of those therapists, Katrina, was very inspired by my dad’s attitude, perseverance and determination during her three-times-a-week sessions. She left the company that provided the home-based physical therapy covered by my parent’s insurance. Yet, months later, Katrina still continues to volunteer a few extra sessions on her own time because she wants to participate in the improbable comeback my dad is making.
Stay Focused on the Goal – My father has focused on being able to walk and drive again. I found it interesting that he declined the offer of a free electric scooter that was made available to him. He expressed his reason. Dad felt getting comfortable driving around in his scooter would cause him to settle for less and he would lose focus on his goals. Instead, he reasoned that using a regular wheelchair would remind him to stay focused on what he was working toward.
When I really stop to reflect and remember, my father (who turns 84 next week), has always exemplified these kind of characteristics throughout his life. As a farmer and businessman, he’s had a lot of practice overcoming obstacles, setbacks and difficulties. And really, we all tend to live out our older years just like we lived our younger years. So, are you living life now with the characteristics that you want to exemplify in your later years? If not, why not make changes starting today?
QUESTION: What is one area you want to grow in so you are better prepared for your later years? Sharing it with us in the comment section below.
Have you heard about the Chinese Bamboo tree whose seed goes dormant when planted? No amount of attention to the seed will arouse it from its sleep. However, careful care and nurture is required during this dormancy. Even though no visible signs of life are noticeable for FIVE YEARS, at the end of that time something extraordinary occurs. Suddenly the seed sprouts and grows into a mature tree more than ninety feet high in that one growing season. Incredible!
The Bible says, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9). Our children and grandchildren can be like that Chinese bamboo tree. Marriage and other relationships need time. Our work. Our ministry. Our investments. Most of us are too impatient.
Rick Warren said, “We tend to overestimate what we can accomplish in the short term and we underestimate what we can accomplish over the long term.” Wow, so true. It’s exactly my ministry experience as a pastor who started a church. I was occasionally irked about the slowness of growth and the lack of momentum in the beginning. Now, 27 years later, I’m constantly awed by the speed of change and advancement.
Sowing and waiting to see results—I call this the Bamboo Principle. While it applies to many areas of life, I’ve found that one of the hardest places to patiently wait is in family relationships. You can do most everything right with your kids on a regular basis in their young years, only to discover that as adults, they have moved in a direction you did not expect. The temptation is to try to ‘fix’ them by digging them up or over-tending. I’m learning. Be patient.
God is at work in our kids, but they have to make their own decisions. Even when you see them moving in the wrong direction, don’t despair. Keep speaking blessing into their lives and never stop praying. Guard yourself from a spirit of criticism or nagging. Keep on nurturing and loving. Don’t try to fix things. The seed has been planted. Give it time to grow.
QUESTION: What is one thing you are “waiting” to see grow? I’d love for you to share it in the comment section below.
One of the grandest things you can do in life is to leave a legacy that extends beyond you to generations to come. There is no better place to start than with your children and grandchildren. What are you passing on to the next generations after you? Is it something that brings pride or shame? Is it what you want to be remembered for or something you would rather have others forget?
I was reminded of the importance of leaving a legacy through a recent blog post on the Grandparenting Network website. The blog was called “Five Ways to Pass Your Legacy to the Next Generations.” The post was based on the Hebrew scripture from Psalm 78:4, “Tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his power and the wonders he has done.” As parents, grandparents and responsible adults, God intends for us to leave something that will last far beyond our lifetime.
As I look at my children who are all married and in their 30’s, I’ve got great pride in what I observe. They are good-looking like their mother. They all have at least a four-year college degree. They are successful in their careers. They are growing in their intimacy with God. They have learned to develop healthy relationships. And some of them are parents or parents in-waiting and doing an awesome job of passing on their solid values to the next generation.
Here are some things I’m learning about passing legacy to the next generations (inspired by Catherine Jacobs, founder of Pass the Legacy) :
Tell Your Story – Our children and grandchildren love to hear stories about our lives. We talk about our successes and our failures. In the process, they learn that life has its ups and downs, the good and the bad, but God is available to walk with you at all times.
My wife Linda teaching our 7 year old granddaughter Analise to ice skate while on a trip to Oregon this year.
Intentionally Make Memories – We have always wanted our children and grandchildren to have great memories imprinted on their minds and hearts. Even common or painful events can be transformed into powerful memories that bring warm feelings if you are intentional and careful about choosing a positive attitude and response to those situations.
Create Meaningful Traditions – In today’s turbulent culture, children long for security and stability. Regular and unique traditions provide much-needed consistency and steadiness that builds trust and confidence in children and grandchildren.
Encourage Intimacy with God – This is a relationship of utmost importance for now and all eternity. Model it. Nurture it. Encourage it. Facilitate it. This once place where you want to make sure the “No Child Left Behind” policy is high-lighted and practiced.
Speak Words of Affirmation – No one can give greater encouragement than a parent or a grandparent. While the words of teachers, clergy and other adults are vitally important, kids and grandkids still long for the affirmation of family. Watch their faces light up as they soak in every word of blessing you give them. Your words of support and unconditional love will bolster self-esteem and empowerment like nothing else.
Every minute of purposeful investment in future generations is fresh seed sown for a fruitful harvest. This week, leverage your opportunities to pass it on.
QUESTION: What suggestion would you add to pass the legacy on? Share it below.
In six to eight weeks I’m going to be doubly blessed! My wife and I already have two granddaughters from our oldest son and his wife. But soon, our daughter and her husband will be having twins – a boy and a girl. So, our grandchild count will go from two to four. We will be doubly blessed! I’ve discovered over the last seven years that grandparenting is greater than I even imagined.
Grandparents play such an important role in family and culture. Linda and I recently had our two granddaughters (ages 7 and 3) at our house for four days. Earlier this year, we took our 7 year old on a two-week trip from Florida to Oregon to visit extended family. It’s tiring but so much fun. It is such an honor and delight to pour into the youngest generation. To be able to shape and nurture them for short periods of time is always a blessing. To see them soak up the attention and the love is a special privilege.
Due to my hobby of photography, I’m known as the “Grand Paparazzi.” This grandpa loves to capture those memorable images that we don’t want to ever forget. They crave the focused attention. They love posing and they eagerly await looking at the pictures I’ve seized during their visits. They treasure the photo books we’ve made after the trips and special events. It makes them feel beautiful, valued and important.
Whether you are a new or seasoned grandparent or maybe not a grandparent at all, you can take a young person under your wing and pass on a legacy that will leave an incredible impression and impact. You can change the generations to come, one child at a time.
There are many excellent resources available. There is a Grandparents Day website that has dozens of ideas for celebrating and doing something grand on behalf of children and grandparents. There’s a great book called Grandparenting Through Obstacles that may be just the resource you need right now. There’s another website called Christian Grandparenting Network that has a weekly thought-provoking blog, prayers, articles, books and other resources available.
Grand children can be a big blessing to you but you can be a monstrous blessing to them! More to come next time with some specific suggestions for passing on your legacy to the next generations.
QUESTIONS: What have you found to be the most rewarding part of grandparenting? Share it below.
The earliest known rear-view mirror mounted on a motor vehicle appeared in a racecar at the inaugural Indianapolis 500 in 1911. It was then introduced by car manufacturers in 1914. But back in 1906, Dorothy Levitt wrote in her book, The Woman and the Car that women should “carry a little hand-mirror in a convenient place when driving” so they could “hold the mirror aloft from time to time in order to see behind while driving in traffic.”
When I was taking Driver’s Ed in high school, my instructor Willard Kennel, taught me a lot about the importance of using my rearview mirror. Willard taught me that road traffic situations were always in a dynamic change process. If I only observed and collected traffic information in front of me and missed the sides and the rear, I was actually overlooking 75% of my driving environment. Mr. Kennel suggested I learn to just glance in the rear-view mirror a small percentage of the time at regular intervals so I could maximize awareness of my surroundings. That advice tidbit, has helped me to be nearly accident-free in almost 45 years of driving.
I happen to believe glancing in the rear-view mirror of life helps us to improve our living. Looking in the review-mirror of life too much leads to phrases like “we always used to…,” or “back in the good old days…” Staring in the rear-view mirror too much makes us more likely to collide with the present and the future. Like in driving, we need to find just that right ratio so we safely navigate life.
The value of looking in the rear-view mirror of life includes:
Learning from our past mistakes
Learning from the mistakes of others
Celebrating where we’ve come from
Seeing our past regrets so we can shape the future to be lived with reward
Discovering our sweet spot by reviewing where we experienced the greatest satisfaction and fruitfulness
Hindsight is a useless tool unless we learn and grow from it. Jody Picoult received good counsel, “My dad used to say that living with regrets was like driving a car that only moved in reverse.” Admittedly, changing even the negative things in our past would fundamentally change who we are. God loves to grow lush fruit out of the compost of our lives.
Keep looking forward. Yes, glance backward and sideways for just a moment to make sure you are getting a 360 degree view of life and not missing the beautiful scenery along the journey. But don’t forget to keep your focus on the road ahead!
QUESTION: What additional values have you discovered in looking back at your life? Share your comment below.
In case you missed them, here are the top 5 blog posts during May 2013. I hope you’ll enjoy the ones you missed and share them via social media with others who might benefit from them.
And believe it or not, the Valentine’s Day post is still number 4 even in the month of May. Interestingly enough, the February 14 post has been the top one so far this year! So, here they are in order of the most views:
How Do You Want to Be Remembered?
Enjoy and share!
Leading a memorial for a 37 year old wife and mother of a 5 and 8 year old who died unexpectedly is just one of the things I did this week to live out my calling. Not necessarily a glamorous job—this thing of being a pastor. But it is rewarding to know you are walking along side someone in their worst moments of life and maybe bringing a bit of comfort and hope to go on. I had the opportunity once again to ask the rather somber crowd, “How do you want to be remembered?”
We should all ask ourselves that question on a regular basis until we are sure we have a clear and concise answer. How do you want to be remembered? It is a foundational question for establishing a purposeful life. It is core question in forming a life plan.
My friend Steve Spring has been writing about the importance of writing a life plan. In his blog this week, he used Stephen Covey’s suggestion of imagining your own funeral. He suggested two simple steps. First, imagine the important people who might attend your funeral: your spouse or significant other, your children, your family, your friends and your co-workers. And second, what are they saying about you as a husband, a parent, a friend and co-worker? Steve would direct you to go through each of your responsibilities in life and write down what you want people to say about you in this role when you are gone? Sobering but powerful.
As I moderated the public sharing time at the memorial service this week, I heard multiple people from this young woman’s life get up and talk about the impact she left as a friend, a co-worker, a daughter and more. I sort of doubt if this 37 year old had intentionally gone through this exercise to prepare for this moment, but I can only imagine she was extremely pleased by what each person said. She was a woman of purpose. A woman who authentically loved others. A woman who worked hard, served joyfully and gave generously of herself.
What will the most important people in your life say when you are gone? The good news is, you are reading this so there is still time to make adjustments and changes. What steps or action will you take this week to make sure you are remembered in the way you wish to be? Do you need to change anything at home? At work? With God?
QUESTION: What is the most important thing you would want said about you at your funeral? Share it in the comment section below.
What do you think is most powerful two-letter word in the English language? I vote “No.” Yes, I think no is the most powerful word. This word will save you future headaches and heartaches. It will protect your family. It will improve your marriage. It will enhance your leadership. It will focus your time. As difficult as it is to spit out, it’s a word that will increase the quality of your life.
Don’t misunderstand me. I love to empower people. I love to help people as much as I can. I love to say yes, whenever I can. My wife teaches parents to find ways to eliminate no out of their vocabulary and use yes as much as possible when speaking with children. I think she’s right. I hate hearing repeated “no’s” coming out of a parent’s mouth. So, I love the word yes! I really do.
But, please gain the courage to say no. You need that ability. If you know it is not going to work, say no. If you know you can’t support it, say no. If you know the answer is no and you eventually will have to say it anyway, say it now. If you know you don’t have time, use this powerful little word. If you know it’s a distraction from the vision and mission, just say so. If you know deep inside your leader gut that the best answer is no, be bold.
Don’t lead people on. Don’t try to appease. Don’t try to postpone. Don’t try to soften the blow. Just use the magic word, no.
Most of us find it hard to say no for one or more of these common reasons:
- You want to help.
- You are afraid of being rude.
- You want to be agreeable.
- You fear conflict.
- You fear lost opportunities.
- You don’t want to burn any bridges.
But I’m convinced that these reasons are more misconceptions than anything. Saying no doesn’t mean I need to say it rudely or without compassion. Saying no doesn’t mean there will be conflict or burning of relational bridges. At the end of the day, it’s about HOW you say no that affects the outcome, rather than the fact you are using this powerful word. Saying no is about respecting and valuing your limited amount of time, your calling, your God-given purpose, your mission and your space.
Here are some phrases that might help you say no:
“I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.”
“I’d love to do this, but…”
“Now’s not a good time but how about we reconnect at X time?”
“I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?”
QUESTION: What would you add to this list? Please share it below.
I was a new pastor in town attending an event where I knew almost no one. A 56 year-old “banker” made his way across the room to introduce himself to me. His name was Mahlon Hetrick. I never forgot what he told me next.
Mahlon told me he had spent 30 years in banking—working his way all the way to the top. He was successful in every measurement of the banking world. He solved people’s problems by loaning them more money. He got rewarded with bonuses and promotions by getting more people into more debt. He told me he spent three decades treating the symptoms of money problems but never knew how to get to the root of their problems. And then one day he got laid off. Everything changed.
Never debt free in 30 years of banking, Mahlon paid off all his debts during 11 months of unemployment. He started Christian Financial Counseling, using the Bible as his “Book of Finance.” He didn’t charge for his counseling services. He only accepted donations. He relied on churches and their support of the mission God sent him on.
Next week, Mahlon is retiring from his ministry that he started 30 years ago. According to a newspaper article, he has counseled more than 20,000 people, conducted almost 50 business seminars, and presented nearly 300 seminars in churches—including quite a few in the church I’ve pastored the past 27 years.
I know Mahlon experienced success in banking but he found significance in helping people get to the root of their financial problems—their outgo exceeded their inflow. Mahlon has left a legacy far beyond Southwest Florida where he has lived. His books, his seminars and his counsel have had multiplied impact across the country. His influence will be felt thru the generations and for all of eternity. Thank you, Mahlon for your impact on my life and all of the people I’ve sent to you over the years.
There’s nothing more inspiring to me than to see people leverage their second half to leave a legacy of significance. I love to watch people in their 50’s make adjustments to life circumstances and then take risks of the unknown as they move into new territory, knowing God has called them and He will provide for them.
How about you? Are you living for success or significance? Is there anything God is asking you to risk? Is there a dream in your heart and mind that God has planted but you’ve been afraid to step out into the unknown? What is one step you could take this week to move toward that significant calling? Remember, the best tasting fruit is out on the limb.
QUESTION: What challenges you most about Mahlon’s story? Please share it below.
Napoleon Hill said, “Procrastination is the bad habit of putting of until the day after tomorrow what should have been done the day before yesterday.” Are you as good at procrastinating as I am? What is it that you are putting off? What is it you know should have been done—or at least started—a long time ago?
Your answers to the above question might range from cleaning out the garage or a closet, all the way to doing something bold or daring or risky that you sense God is calling you to do. Or your answer might include forgiving someone who has hurt you or making amends for something you know that you have done to someone. So what is it for you that you tend to procrastinate on?
Cleaning out a garage or a closet is usually as simple as putting it on the calendar and following through with it on the day you’ve scheduled it. The other scenarios—usually not so simple. They are often quite tough to follow through with. The first ones expend physical energy and the last ones require lots of emotional and spiritual energy.
Here’s a scripture that can give us some powerful insight into beginning the journey of facing procrastination of those more difficult undertakings. Hebrews 12:1 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”
Let me suggest three things from this passage that can help you:
Reach Out to Friends – God-centered, well-grounded friends are invaluable when it comes to helping us get unstuck or dealing with tough things in life. God never meant for us to go through life in isolation. He wants us to lean into our friends when we have to deal with situations or circumstances that are difficult to face. The right kind of friends will offer you wisdom, share their experience, give you encouragement and lift you up in prayer. Humbly reach out and take advantage of the help that God offers us through good friends on the journey.
Face the Hindrances – This is going to require honest self-reflection, and being honest with God. Over time, if you are open and real before God, it is amazing how He will show you what is in the way and what is holding you back. And then go to Him for the healing, the mercy and forgiveness, the grace that you must first receive in order to go and do what must be done to be free from the hindrances that hold you back.
Persevere – Staying the course, running the race and finishing strong are vital to procrastination. You must not grow weary but do that which you know needs to be done and follow through with what God is calling you to do! And when you do preserve, it will always be worth it. The fruit of your hard work pushing on through to the back side will be more rewarding and gratifying than you can ever imagine while you are on the front side.
So, what are you waiting for?
QUESTION: Do you have a story of pushing on through a tough spot to victory? Share below.
