I’m competitive. I hate to lose at anything. I have a brother who is 18 months older than I so I learned early in life that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. We’ve all said it, “Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.” The truth is, everyone loses at some point or another. The best of the best athletes experience loss. The people who are at the top of the best organizations experience downturns. The question is, what do you do when you lose? Do you just shrug your shoulders, hang your head, accept it and move on? Or, are there other options?
One of my mentors from afar is John Maxwell. From the first time I heard him speak in 1986, through listening to tapes or CD’s and reading many of his books over the last decades, I’ve learned a bunch about leadership and life. I love the title of his newly released book, Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn. Learning is the best option when you just can’t put another mark in the “win” column.
Inventor Thomas Edison is known for his statement, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Everyone falls short of their goals at times. Everyone makes mistakes. The people who succeed are the ones who pick themselves up, dust themselves off, figure out what went wrong and give it another try with new knowledge and understanding.
Interestingly, J.K. Rowling had twelve publishers reject her Harry Potter manuscript before someone agreed to give it a try. Colonel Sanders was 65 years old when he poured his meager $105 Social Security check into his gas tank to drive around in a white suit, knocking on doors trying to sell his fried chicken recipe. He was told “no” 1,009 times before the first “yes.’ Walt Disney was turned down for Disney World financing 302 times before someone finally said “yes.” Vincent Van Gogh only sold one painting in his lifetime—and that was to a friend. Despite that he kept painting and finished over 800 pieces. There is no success without failure.
Here are three words that have helped me turn losses into wins:
REFRAME—Try to look at your situation from different angles. Ask God, family, friends or mentors to give you honest feedback. With humility, receive the suggestions and counsel of others. Use the information to get a better picture of what happened and why. Never waste a failure. You can always learn something.
REVISE—Be willing to step back and detach yourself a bit from the emotion of the loss and pretend you’re looking at someone else’s situation and think about what you might suggest to them. Be open to new ideas that are offered when you ask for feedback and then form a new plan of action.
REFOCUS—Instead of continually second-guessing yourself and inviting everyone to a huge pity party to celebrate your disappointment and failure, refocus on a new plan and how you want to proceed. Next to asking for God’s grace to fill your heart and mind and cleanse you from a sense of failure and doubt, the most crucial thing you can do to overcome disappointment is to embrace a new path and focus on what’s ahead.
Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. The hinge is all about your response to failure. Learning is always your best option when you’ve encountered a loss. And then, losing always leads to winning.
QUESTION: What would you add? I would love to hear how you turn losses into wins!
It’s a lie. Absolutely not true. The rhyme I heard on the playground in elementary school is simply false. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Words matter. Words make a difference.
There’s a catchy song by Hawk Nelson that I can’t get out of my mind. The lyrics of the song “Words” go like this:
They’ve made me feel like a prisoner
They’ve made me feel set free
They’ve made me feel like a criminal
Made me feel like a king
They’ve lifted my heart
To places I’d never been
And they’ve dragged me down
Back to where I began
Words can build you up
Words can break you down
Start a fire in your heart or
Put it out
And then the refrain of the song is a prayer of hope and commitment: “Let my words be life, Let my words be truth, I don’t wanna say a word, Unless it points the world back to You.”
King Solomon of ancient Hebrew fame said it this way, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). What if we each took that truth to heart every single day of our lives as leaders, parents, friends and neighbors. You are either going to bring life or death to your spouse, your children, your employee, your customer or a stranger today by what comes out of your mouth. That is powerful when you pause to reflect.
Every single day your words either encourage or discourage, build up or tear down, elate or deflate the people around you. What will the people you have conversations with today, experience?
Today, I’m flying from Florida to Oregon to spend a week with my parents and other family members. I plan to speak to every airport restroom worker that I see today and thank them for what they do to keep these busy restrooms clean. I can’t wait. It always seems to catch them by surprise and repeatedly brings a smile to their faces.
QUESTION: What is one thing you will do today to speak words of blessing to others? Please share it below so others are encouraged. Thanks!
A YEAR AGO TODAY…A MENTOR OF MINE CHANGED HIS ADDRESS FROM EARTH TO HEAVEN…HERE’S A REPOST OF WHAT I WROTE THAT DAY 10/11/12:
Today, our world lost an authentic down-to-earth saint. Not a saint in some formal religious way, but an everyday kind of saint. He was a dad, a grandpa, a great grandpa, a faithful husband of 60+ years, a pastor for 58 years, a friend of thousands, a spiritual mentor to hundreds and a ministry partner of mine for nearly 27 years. I will miss him!!!
There’s way too much to say about Tony Hostetler in this short space, but here’s what came to mind as I touched his still-warm 89 year-old hands this afternoon–just a few minutes after he took his last breath. This is a man who lived a fruit full life. A scripture in the Bible came to my mind.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.” (Galatians 5:22-23 NIV)
Pastor Tony consistently, every day, in every situation, exemplified these fruit in his life. I’ve watched him respond to every imaginable situation throughout multiple decades of ministry partnership. His life was full of the fruit of the Holy Spirit. And that is why Facebook is about to crash right now due to the hundreds of online comments and wall posts about how Tony impacted their lives. His faith was full of fruit — Spirit fruit.
Here’s just a few things Tony taught me about how to live so I can be remembered as a saint:
- Love God and Love People with all your heart, soul, mind and strength
- Live every day with gratitude
- Fill your mind and your mouth with God’s Word
- Have a short memory when it comes to the sins of others
- Brag on others much more than you brag on yourself
- Do what ever you do with all your might
- You are never too old to try something new
- Smile and hug often
- Believe that with God, all things are possible
I will miss Tony as a spiritual mentor, a faithful friend and a priceless ministry partner. See you later Pastor Tony!
QUESTION: What is the the most important thing you want to be remembered for? Add your comment below.
Dan Black writes in his newly released book, The Leadership Mandate, “The foundation for positive influence is based on your ability to successfully lead and manage yourself.” I agree. I completely agree. The greatest leadership challenge I have is self-leadership. To lead oneself with excellence, is the prerequisite for all great leadership.
Dan Black ranks self-leadership as number one of the 10 essential elements of leadership. His point is that if we can’t master the first one, then the other nine are nearly impossible. Leading self is foundational to all leadership.
I’ve watched way too many leaders try to lead others and try to lead an organization while doing a rather poor job of leading themselves. Their influence never rises to the level of its highest potential. Here’s the deal, most people look at how we lead our own lives before they choose to follow us. They watch our attitude, our actions and our results before they gain the confidence we can lead them toward a better future.
In my own leadership journey, I’ve found Blacks’ observations to hit the bulls eye. In his new book, he talks about these five foundational elements for leading self:
Know yourself–This is about knowing who you are and how you have been created. Everyone has a God-designed uniquely-shaped purpose. Discover it. Live it. Find your significance in it.
Follow your core–This is about being a person of character and integrity. Authenticity is all about integration of the inner being and the outward behavior. Reputation is all about working on the external so you can impress others. Character is about allowing God to work on the inside so you become the person He intended you to be.
Take care of yourself—This is about placing a priority on your overall well-being. Body, soul, mind and spirit are all equally a part of who God created us to become. We are stewards of what He has entrusted to us. Care well for each dimension of His creation.
Maintain a right attitude—This is about choosing to always have a positive attitude. It starts with attitude. Everything tends to rise on fall on attitude. Be aware of your own as much as you are aware of the attitude of others.
Live a balanced life—This is about living a sustainable life. A quick burst and then a flame out doesn’t do anyone much good. Leadership is mostly a series of sprints that total the length of a marathon. As I wrote recently: Divert daily. Withdraw weekly. Abandon annually.
Yes. Absolutely. Your greatest influence as a leader will begin when you manage and lead yourself well. Determine to lead yourself well today for greater leadership impact tomorrow.
QUESTION: What would you add that has helped you to lead yourself well? Please share it below.
It’s a year ago today that I launched this blog to inspire transformissional living in others! I’m humbled and blessed because you’ve shared how my writing has inspired and kept you on mission. I’m encouraged by the wide age-range of you who read it and find it helpful. I’m thrilled that you have varying faith backgrounds and each of you find it helpful and encouraging while looking through your own unique lens. I’m grateful and highly honored every time you take the time to share the blog and individual postings on your social media sites. I’m inspired every time you engage with the topic and share your comments. I learn from you and your experiences. Thank you for a wonderfully successful first year!!!
I reviewed the stats and found the top 5 most frequently viewed posts since October 1, 2012. Here they are:
- Visible But Overlooked
- Valentine’s Day
- Fruit Full Faith
- What Makes Your Heart Sing?
- Most Admired Leadership Qualities
And, as usual, I like to compile the monthly stats to determine the top five most read posts. As you will see, the first and fifth in the list are the same for the month and for the year.
Here are the top five for September 2013:
- Visible But Overlooked
- Harder Than It Looks
- Crossing Guard Inspiration
- It’s Not About You
- Most Admired Leadership Qualities
Thanks again for your support and I look forward to another year of conversation and dialogue as I carry out my mission of inspiring transformissional living in all whom I encounter in life. God bless you!
QUESTION: What post impacted you the most over the last year? Please share it below.
One of the things I love to instill in young developing leaders is the dance of finding good balance in life. Just as every style of physical dancing takes astonishing balance, likewise balance is critical in the dance of work and rest, confrontation and compassion, career and family, pushing forward and patiently waiting, faith and reason, law and grace and many more tension points we encounter nearly every day.
Balance is one of 7 defining characteristics I recently identified for admired leaders. In my nearly 35 years of leadership experience, I’ve watched too many leaders and wanna-be leaders crash and burn because something in their life got out of balance. Sometimes it’s related to schedule. Other times it is an issue of planning or priorities. Bottom line, it’s a dance. Imbalance will cause you to hit the floor.
Here’s a couple things I’ve been learning about balance:
Plan Down-time into Your Schedule – Nearly three decades ago I heard Rick Warren say, “Divert Daily, Withdraw Weekly, Abandon Annually.” Our bodies, minds and spirits were not designed to go full speed, 24/7/365. For sustainability, we need diversions, we need breaks, and we need rest, retreats, respite and renewal. I was fortunate to have a father who insisted that Sunday was a day of physical rest and spiritual renewal. He refused to allow harvesting to continue on the farm even if rain was forecast for Monday. We went to church and enjoyed food and fellowship with friends and family.
When my wife and I were newly-married college students, we planned for Sunday to be a break from studying. If we had a test or a paper due on Monday, we planned our schedules to finish preparations on Saturday or to get up very early on Monday morning. Those planned disengagements from our studies in our early years served us well. We developed patterns in our lives that helped us over the last several decades as church-planters who had to be very intentional about discontinuing the endless work each day, taking a day off each week and going away on vacation every year.
Keep the Priceless Elevated Above the Worthwhile – There are a lot of things in life that are worthwhile. You can spend your entire energy and time on those worthwhile things—jobs, careers, toys, success, retirement accounts and more. Nothing wrong with worthwhile efforts. Success and planning for the future is good. But some things are priceless. Money can’t buy them. Hard work won’t replace them.
What are those priceless things for you? Your relationship with your spouse, your children, your grandchildren, your friends? What about your health? Your legacy? Your reputation? Your integrity? Have you clearly identified the priceless things in your life? I know way too many leaders who have sacrificed the priceless for the worthwhile. Now they live in regret, shame and disappointment.
Balance in life is a delicate dance. Trying to work harder to gather more for yourself or to give more to your family isn’t necessarily what you or they need. You might even be collecting or distributing worthwhile stuff but even the worthwhile can never replace the priceless. What priceless thing will you intentionally invest in and treasure today?
QUESTION: What would you add to the list of priceless things? Please share it below.
Leadership isn’t for the faint-hearted. It will test what you are made of. It can look easy when someone else is doing it, but leadership requires perseverance, tenacity, determination and grit. Every successful leader has faced obstacles, challenges and storms. Every leader who has started something or grown something has discovered it is harder and takes longer than they expected.
In a recent post on the most admired qualities of leadership in today’s world, persistence was one of the top seven. When you launch a business, an organization or a church (as I have done), there are frequent challenges and obstacles—anticipated and unanticipated. The leader who is successfully standing years later, is one who demonstrates persistence and perseverance.
Arial view of Cape Christian Fellowship’s 14 acre campus of 48 assembled properties in middle left.
When I started Cape Christian Fellowship, we felt drawn to buy land on the growing edge of the city along a four-lane road near the intersection of a future proposed cross-town highway. The challenge: no large parcels of land for a future church campus. The plan: assemble three city blocks of vacant residential properties owned by 48 individuals scattered across the world.
I thought it might take 4-5 years to assemble these four dozen properties. Some thought it could never be accomplished. Many reminded me that if one landowner in the middle held out and refused to sell, the city would not be able to vacate the streets and right-aways that ran through these three city blocks. And then, the whole property wouldn’t be available as one contiguous 14 acre parcel. While it took nearly 10 years to accomplish, the land purchase was completed.
Here are four things I learned about being persistent:
Know the Why – It’s so important to know why you are doing what you are doing. If you can’t answer the why, you will get sidelined by the what. Obstacles, storms and challenges can cause you to lose focus on the why. You must not forget the why.
Communicate the Vision Often – As a leader you may have the vision clearly in your mind but it won’t stay clear in the minds of those you are leading. Vision leaks. Vision fades. Keep painting the big picture of the preferred future so people remember the why and the plan to get where you are going.
Celebrate the Progress – We used an old-school hand-drawn map of the three city blocks with each of the 48 properties outlined as a visible reminder of what we were doing. One by one, we publicly shaded in each purchased property to give our people a vision of the progress we were making. We celebrated each and every incremental victory on the way to the big goal. It helped us persevere for nearly a decade until we finished the project.
Never Give Up – In the words of a famous seven-word speech by Winston Churchill, “Never, ever ever ever ever give up.”
Leaders know how to stick with it through thick and thin. Yes, it is often harder than it looks, but perseverance, tenacity, determination and grit become clearly visible and obvious in a microwave, fast-food, easy-come easy-go, undisciplined culture.
QUESTION: What else have I missed that helps you persist? Please share it below. Thanks!
That’s a risky title. You may stop reading. None of us want to hear those words. We are born with this bent—it’s all about us. We want to be king or queen of the castle. In Jim Collins book, How the Mighty Fall, his research shows that the first stage of decline in great companies is, “hubris born of success.”
Collins reminds leaders that becoming arrogant regarding success, ultimately leads to entitlement, succeeded by an overestimation of one’s own merit and capabilities—and then the stage is set for the unraveling of a leader or an organization. What we are talking about in very simple words, lack of humility.
One of the seven characteristics of the Most Admired Leadership Qualities is humility. It’s not about you. I know how difficult it is to remember this truth when you are the leader of an organization where every measurement graph is going up and to the right. As upside down as it may seem, humility is the key to developing and continuing success.
It’s hard to define what humility looks like. It’s a wee bit awkward to brag about having it. However, most of us quickly know what the lack of humility looks like. So let’s not waste time defining or describing humility but let me share some ways I’m learning to hang on to it.
HERE ARE MY TOP FIVE:
View Success Correctly—As soon as success becomes something you deserve, you have bought into entitlement and arrogance. When we keep in mind that success is fleeting, it’s sometime fortuitous and just plain providential; we are in a better position to stay humble. I intentionally thank God regularly that He has given me the gifting, the environment, the people, the wisdom, the courage and the discernment to make the right decisions in the right time—which has resulted in success.
Own Your Mistakes—One of the first signs that humility is going down the tubes is the insistence on being right. You may have made a hundred great decisions in a row but that doesn’t mean you are exempt from making a bad one. Own it. Acknowledge it. Apologize. Seek forgiveness if it was against others.
Continue to Value Others—People will value your leadership in proportion to the value you demonstrate for those who follow you. When others below you in your org chart feel devalued, there’s a lack of humility. When others leave your presence, do they feel inspired and more valuable or depleted and of less value?
Remember the Why—When you start focusing on the reason of your success being about the things you do or produce, you will lose understanding and insight. And, you can easily forget the why of the specific things you do. When you forget the why, people quickly become expendable commodities. Humility gets lost in that environment.
Leaders are Still Learners—Most success happens through learning a bundle from others. You become an expert in your specialty. Watch out if you lose your inquisitiveness and learning orientation. When you “know it all,” that’s the opposite of humility. Great leaders remain as great learners!
QUESTION: What have missed? I would love to hear from you!
In 1882, a machinist and secretary of the Central Labor Union, Matthew Maguire, proposed a holiday to celebrate the economic and social contributions of workers. My home state of Oregon, was the first to make it a holiday on February 21, 1887. By the time it became a federal holiday, 30 states had already officially celebrated Labor Day. President Grover Cleveland signed the bill to make Labor Day a national holiday in 1894.
Labor Day has become the symbolic end of summer (except in Southwest Florida where I live). And in some communities, the week after Labor Day is still the first week of the new school year. Street parades, picnics, political rallies, retail mark-down sales, an end-of-summer camping trip, sports events and festivals are common activities for Labor Day weekend.
While work and labor is celebrated on one specific day of the year in our nation, I hope that isn’t the only day we pause to value the social and economic contribution of others and ourselves. We humans are designed to create, produce, fashion, craft, form, construct, invent, make, manufacture, fabricate and generate. God intended that we find pleasure and significance in our work.
For some, their work defines them. Especially men. If you ask a man in our North American culture about who they are, they will often define themselves by their work or their career. Most women will tend to define themselves more quickly by their role—a mom, a wife and then maybe their career. The problem comes when we retire from a career or lose a job for some reason. We can loose our sense of identity, value and self-worth. And, that’s very unhealthy.
While our work and chosen career shouldn’t define us and give us our primary sense of worth, by intention, labor is meant to bring satisfaction to the soul and mind. There’s an old adage that says, “If you love what you do, you don’t work a day of your life.” That’s true. It’s absolutely true. I know from experience. And the best way to describe hard work when you love it is, Heart Work. That’s it. It’s work that comes from the heart. You love it so much you would do it for free if you could find another way to pay your bills.
So, on this Labor Day, think about your life, especially your work. Ask your self some questions. Is your profession, your work or your career, your chief identity or is it your sense of calling and one of several ways you find fulfillment? Do you love your work in a way that you can’t believe someone would pay you for having this kind of fun and fulfillment or is something you just endure to pay the bills? You can do something practical or you can do something that makes your heart sing. What kind of work makes your heart sing? What deliberate determinations and decisions do you need to make today to make sure your work is “heart work” and truly a celebration that makes your heart sing.
QUESTION: What is it about your work that makes your heart sing? Please share it below. Thanks!
When I write a blog post, sometimes I think it’s a real winner. Sometimes it is. Other times, not so much. And then, there are times I’ve written something that I think really needs to be said but I don’t necessarily think it will be all that popular. I’m occasionally surprised at what makes it’s way to the top! Here’s the top posts for August 2013 according to my internal statistics counter! Enjoy!
Top 5 for August:
1. Most Admired Leadership Qualities — While reflecting on over three decades of leadership, this post highlights the seven top characteristics that I believe are admired by younger leaders today.
2. From the Bottom Up — This post features Cape Coral Police Chief Jay Murphy as an example of a servant leader.
3. The Key in Your Pocket — A numb-brained mistake on my part led to this important lesson learned.
4. Visible But Overlooked — This post consistently places in the top 5 month after month because it deals with a very important part of communication that is often overlooked.
5. When No One’s Looking — Here’s a post about integrity and a recent experience at a rental car business.
This month one of my blog readers in the northeast United States sent me a private Facebook message asking if she would be able to share some of my blog posts at her staff meeting with her co-workers. Absolutely! Sure! Of course! It’s always an honor when I can add value to the lives of people I know and those I’ve never met. I love to inspire transformissional living in others!
So, I’d love for you share this blog or a specific post with any of your friends who might benefit! You may use the social media or email buttons at either the top or the bottom of each post! Or use the Share the Blog section on the right side of the Home page. Thanks so much for going with me on the journey toward transformissional living!
QUESTION: Which one of these top five blogs was your favorite? I’d love to hear in the comment section below.
