Now that the official Thanksgiving holiday and weekend is past, it’s easy to revert back to the routine of ungratefulness. We pause for one day to express our gratitude and thankfulness for all the ways we have been blessed. Yet, we can easily slip into grumbling and mumbling as we scurry to find just the right Christmas gift at the deeply discounted sale price that is just right for our over-stretched budget.
Our 8 year old granddaughter Analise with spontaneous gratitude watching an Oregon Coast sunset.
The longer I live, the more I’m convinced that gratitude is the answer to almost every problem we face. Think about it, gratitude can transform anxiety, anger, discontent, greed and depression. Gratitude may not change your circumstance, but it can change you and me. However, when gratitude transforms us, it may possibly change our circumstance.
I love what a Benedictine monk, Brother David Steindl-Rast said, “You think this is just another day. It’s not just another day. It’s the one day that is given to you today….It’s the only gift that you have right now. And the only appropriate response is gratefulness.” Wow, as I’m a week out from my sixtieth birthday, that’s exactly how I want to live each and every day of the rest of my life. Maybe we would live this way if we saw today as the first day of our life—or our last.
Here are some things I’m finding helpful and I suggest them to you as we seek to live each day with gratitude:
Notice life around you. Most everything can be awe-inspiring if you pay attention. Whether it is the natural beauty of a flower, the aeronautical marvel of a bird in flight, a sunrise, a sunset, the interesting people you encounter at an unexpected moment, or the simple beating of your own heart—life is a gift. Notice it. Tune in to it. Enjoy it.
Receive everything as a gift. It’s so easy to feel entitled and become cynical when we don’t get what we want or feel we deserve. I’m trying to intentionally receive everything as a gift. Each day is a gift. Each person is a gift (that’s not always an easy one to practice). Each challenge is an opportunity. Each blessing received is more than I deserve. God’s grace is all important. It’s not about me but all about Him.
Express gratitude often. This is one of the things that makes us humans unique and sets us apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. We can express and articulate our gratitude. But honestly, we have to speak it to experience the power of it. Find ways to say it often.
Bless someone else. Let your gratefulness overflow into the lives of those you encounter today. It doesn’t have to be fancy—just offer them a smile, a touch, a kind word, a simple expression of thanks or the simple gift of your presence. You should have seen the face of the young floor-mopper outside the restroom at the local grocery store the other day when I thanked him for keeping everything so clean. He thanked me for thanking him. Gratitude inspires gratitude.
One of the best recent books I’ve read that inspired me toward more gratitude is by Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are. Read it. Give it to someone as a gift.
Think about it. Today will never be repeated. It is unique among all the days of your life. Live it with gratitude.
QUESTION: What have I missed that helps you to live with gratitude? Please share below.
There is nothing uglier than a person with an entitlement mentality, a spoiled brat spirit. In contrast, there is nothing more beautiful than a grateful person. Everyone loves a person who is thankful. You can’t stay away. You just want to hang around them all the time.
Charissa Gingerich Higdon with twins Haley & Noah
My beautiful daughter Charissa is one of the most grateful persons on the planet. When she was little, she would thank her mom and I over and over again for a gift we gave, a treat, time spent with her, driving her to a soccer practice, or whatever. We even had to tell her she could stop thanking us because we had heard it a dozen times already. To this day as a 30 year-old mommy of twins, she still can’t stop thanking people when they bless her.
This past weekend, I was trimming shrubs and cut the television cable feed into my home. The contractor who buried the cable had left an 18 inch segment above ground right where it went through my shrubs. My hedge trimmer discovered the error. I had a choice to make. Was I going to whine and complain all weekend because I had no cable TV in the house or make the best of it? After all, it was one full day of college football and another day of NFL football that I was missing until the cable company finally sent someone out to fix their screw-up.
I intentionally set out to be thankful. First of all, I had a first world problem to deal with. My third world travels have taken me to many homes where there are no televisions. While having a pretty basic cable package, I still have dozens of high definition channels to choose from 24/7. I even have a seven-inch portable color screen television in my closet that gathers a half dozen over-the-air HD channels. I dusted off the box and used it.
Frankly, most of the complaints I hear or see posted on social media arise out of an entitlement mindset that has permeated our North American culture. There is a lot of ugly spoiled-brat kind of grouchiness that saturates our culture with ungratefulness. We complain about the weather—too hot or too cold. We gripe about the customer service of businesses we procure from. We grumble about the traffic and the driving-habits of others. We hate to wait in line. Fast food isn’t fast enough. We think we deserve better. Really, it’s not very pretty when you stop to think about it.
Gratitude comes out of the overflow of a thankful heart. When we realize how blessed we are, it makes all the difference in the world. We used to sing a song in the church of my childhood, “Count your many blessings and name them one by one.” When I practice that one line of that old hymn, it changes my perspective. It changes my attitude. It changes my heart. And it changes my actions.
This week, slow down enough to reflect on your blessings. Name them. Write them down. Express them to someone else. Repeat them over and over. You will turn what could be an ugly self-centered week into a beautiful week of thanksgiving and gratitude. Happy Thanksgiving!
QUESTION: What are the top three things you are thankful for today? Share them in the comment section.
What would you rather be remembered for, being persistent or tenacious? Have you thought about the difference between them? Which is preferable for leadership? I know which one I want to be known for.
Think about it. Persistence is doing something again and again until it works. It sounds like ‘pestering’ for a reason. Telemarketers are persistent. Not my preferred way of doing business. Not the way I want to be remembered.
Here’s the contrast. Tenacity is using new information and insight to make new decisions to find new pathways to find new ways to achieve a goal when the old ways didn’t work (inspired by Seth Godin). Now, that’s what I want to be known for and remembered for. How about you?
Leaders are learners. Leaders quickly learn that just doing more of the same thing that isn’t working but somehow expecting different results, is the recipe for frustration. Remember that persistence is doing the same thing again and again thinking that somehow it will finally begin to work. Not a great leadership quality, correct?
Here’s what I’ve learned about developing tenacity in leadership:
Tendencies Tend to Be Learned – I know that some people tend to give up quickly and some seem eager to look for new routes when there is a detour in the road. My observation is that such tendencies come from our family experiences. My father was very solution-focused. If one way didn’t work, he would look for another way. I learned that approach to life. You can learn a new way if you didn’t have a tenacious model.
A Compelling Vision is Critical – If you have clarity and focus about the preferred future, it makes all the difference in the world. If you are lacking vision, you will find it most difficult to be tenacious. A compelling vision is the prime motivation for exploring every possible option. There will always be speed bumps, potholes and detours on the road to success. Mary Kay Ash said it well, “For every failure, there’s an alternative course of action. You just have to find it. When you come to a roadblock, take a detour.”
Confidence in Your Calling – I have no clue how one can be tenacious if you don’t have a clear sense of purpose in who God has created you to be and how He wants you to use your time, talent and treasure. My mission statement is to “inspire transformissional living” in others. If you aren’t on a purposeful mission in life, it will be difficult to be motivated and tenacious about anything meaningful. Get clear on your mission and calling and perseverance gets a lot easier.
Journey with Others – There’s an old Africa proverb that says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to far, go together.” I’ve discovered that building a team around a focused vision makes it much easier to be tenacious. Empowering others on the team to be innovative and creative helps immensely when it comes to finding new pathways to achieve a common goal. And the caring support of others during moments of discouragement is essential over the long haul.
I’m sure there is more to be said on this topic. But these four come to the top of my mind. What would add to the list? All of us would love to hear it in the comment section below. Thanks!
Ted Turner—media mogul, entrepreneur extraordinaire, Forbes-list billionaire, Time magazine’s Man-of-the-Year, a star on Hollywood’s Walk-of-Fame and much, much more—is turning 75 today. What does a larger-than-life guy like that think about when he sees the sun begin to set in the west? Does he mull over the same things in his life as the rest of us every-day kind of people do?
A recent CNN story asked the question of it’s founder, What will matter most about Ted Turner’s life story when they roll the final credits? It turns out, that Ted Turner’s deep inner-gut questions are the same as yours and mine.
CNN writers editors pose it this way, “You can be a billionaire or a bum, win sailing’s biggest prize or swab decks, own a television network or have trouble paying the cable bill: By the final curtain, life boils down to a few simple things.”
Did I make my Mama and Daddy proud?
Am I loved?
Will anybody remember me?
Do I get into heaven?
While Ted Turner has openly called Christianity “a religion for losers” and previously proclaimed faith in God wasn’t something he needed or was interested in, it sounds like he too is now throwing a prayer or two heavenward just in case someone up there really does care. As he looks in the rear-view mirror at three-fourths of a century, Mr. Turner understands that you only get one shot at life.
In less than a month, I’ll be looking at six decades in my rear-view mirror. I’m so grateful I have a clear confident answer to each one of these simple questions above. Yes, yes, yes and yes. My relationships with family, friends and God gives me total confidence as I face the future. I love to inspire transformissional living—especially for adults over age 50. I write this blog to help folks answer these very questions.
How about you? Do you have clear and concise answers to these four simple questions that Ted Turner is struggling with? If not, what changes will you make today to get clarity? You only get one shot.
QUESTION: How many of the four questions can you answer with clarity? Which one(s) do you need some help on? I would love to hear more in the comment section below.
You know them. Maybe you are one of them. The one who loves to be the first to clap at the conclusion of a great song or when the speaker makes a powerful point in her presentation. Some love to lead the applause. They feel a sense of power in that they initiated an entire audience’s applause or even a standing ovation.
I love to lead the applause too! But not in the way I just described. I usually become a follower in those situations. But, I love to lead the applause in seeing next-generation leaders succeed and do well. As one who will soon be looking at my 50’s in the rear-view mirror, I’m more passionate than ever about younger leaders thriving. Especially in the organization that I founded and led for many years, there is deep satisfaction and a sense of significance that comes from seeing my successor flourish.
In their book, Transformissional Coaching, Steve Ogne and Tim Roehl write, “The great leader is not the one in the spotlight. He’s the one leading the applause” (p. 63). That’s the kind of leadership legacy I want to leave. I want to make sure the hand-off to the next generation is done so well that I can be the very first one to applaud the new victories, the new innovations, the creativity and the progress.
Level five leadership is the terminology my from-afar mentors like Jim Collins and John Maxwell use to describe the leader who builds enduring greatness in a business or organization by putting the success and future of the organization first and foremost above his or her own ambitions. To practice this level of leadership we must be intentional about mentoring and developing young leaders and finding every way possible to encourage and applaud their growth as leaders.
So let me ask you, are you mentoring anyone who is a generation behind you? Are you investing in anyone who has less knowledge or experience than you in a specific area of your expertise? If not, why not? Are you just not aware and attentive to the need for such mentoring? Or do you lack confidence and operate with a mindset of scarcity—thinking someone you invest in will take your job or step on your fingers as they climb past you on the ladder toward success? Or maybe you have another reason or excuse.
If you are developing the leaders around you, are you intentional about leading the applause for those leaders? Do you catch them doing things well and point it out to them and others? Are you finding ways to encourage them and build them up? Do you invite them into reflective feedback to empower them to see the high points and the low points of their performance? We as mentors and supervisors must lead the applause for those we are developing. A few of us might find this to be normal and natural but most of us must work hard at growing ourselves into leaders who lead the applause for others around us.
So today, who is the one person that comes to mind whom you need to look for a reason to help them celebrate a success with you leading the applause?
QUESTION: What helps you notice the things that need applauding in the people around you? Please share it below. Thanks!
On a wind-less day, the lake behind our home is as smooth as glass. Throw a rock in to the lake and you will see an ever-expanding circle of ripples gradually spread across the water. You’ve seen it before. We call it the ripple effect. It happens in many ways and many places. One small action can have an enormous impact. I have one example.
Last school year, a friend of mine, Heather Mazurkiewicz made a comment on Facebook how she was inspired to smile every day by a school crossing guard near her home—all because he waves at every person who drives through the intersection. I knew exactly which crossing guard she was talking about because I drive through that intersection every day on the way to my office. Heather inspired me to stop my car that very day and roll down the window to tell him how inspiring he is to me and others. After driving by and waving back for seven years, I discovered that day this friendly crossing guard had a name—John Haley.
I wrote a blog the next day about Crossing Guard Inspiration and how the world needs more John Haley’s who smile, wave and connect with passers-by. That blog spiked the statistical readership graph upward. Later I gave a printed copy of the blog post to John Haley. He just smiled and embarrassingly told me “thank you.”
A few weeks ago, one of my longtime friends, Ron Hostetler called me from Atlanta to tell me he shared the blog with his longtime friend—a school crossing guard in Chicago. His friend shared the blog with his boss who supervises the Chicago-area crossing guards. This friend’s boss decided to read the story of John Haley as an inspiration to all the school crossing guards under his leadership at their next gathering.
Last week, I stopped my car again and spoke to John and told him about the ripple effect of his life. His faithful wave and smile to students, parents and passing motorists is an inspiration that has rippled the waters all the way from Cape Coral, FL to Chicago, IL. I thanked him for making a difference. And John just shyly smiled and said “thank you.”
And thanks to Heather Mazurkiewicz for her simple post on Facebook that inspired me to stop and talk to John and write a blog about him. The ripple effect is always in action.
What kind of action and attitude will you display today and throughout this week that will ripple out to others near and far?
QUESTION: Do you have a brief story of the ripple effect in action? I’d love to hear it in the comment section below.
In case you missed them, here are the top five posts for the month of October! For the first time, I’ve also included a few of what I consider to be the top comments for this month. I so appreciate your interactions, additions and responses to what I write. I would also like to thank all of you who have shared my posts with others. Sharing my posts with others is a wonderful compliment. Thanks!
If there are posts you have found inspiring or helpful in your life but haven’t shared them, I would love to have you pass them along on your social media sites using the buttons at the top and bottom of each individual post! Thanks so very much!
Top Posts
The Greatest Leadership Challenge
Here are some of the comments I selected from October:
“Thanks Dennis, I also enjoyed this article. I can definitely identify with this article.” –Flora
“I couldn’t agree more.” –George
“Tomorrow’s leaders who walk in integrity before Christ listen to Him. They take extended times to listen to The Lord who holds tomorrow.” –Greg
“Great post- love the idea with the restroom workers. Going to do that myself next time I get a chance!” –Angela
“I try to remember my words when I go to Walmart. I think the workers work so hard.. Talking to people on a daily bases, I try to bring out the best in them so they will feel better about themselves. I really have to practice that concept with God’s help. It is wonderful to stay positive too.” –Lillian
“Dennis, thanks for reminding me of the power of my words to either tear down or build up those who I come in contact with today.” –Steve
“This is really great. I have sent it on to my kids and have told them to send it on to our grand-kids in college and Sydney in the Coast Guard Academy… Its good advice for all ages. Thank you… You always come up with great things for the rest of us to share with our friends and loved ones…” –Janet
QUESTION: What was your favorite post in October? Any posts you would like to see in November?
The reality is, only a few people really become long-term leaders in their areas of expertise. Most leaders fade. Only a small percentage of politicians rise to the top and stay at the top. Only a few ministry leaders are still relevant in their sixties. Only a few writers repeatedly produce best sellers. Most leaders flame out like fireworks.
So what’s the secret to longevity in leadership? I read a blog post by Donald Miller a while back on this very topic. His emphasis was to encourage peaking at age 65. Miller wrote how those who are very successful in their 20’s tend to decline in their 30’s and 40’s due to many energetic short-term goals but few long-term goals and often a lack of wisdom to manage the success.
The other problem that Miller points out is the mistake of trying to be a fashionable and trendy leader. He wisely states, “Don’t fall for it. If you become a fashionable leader of the moment, you’ll be gone as fast as bell bottoms. The same people who praise you today will be distancing themselves tomorrow.” Unfashionable leaders who last are in the category of Mother Theresa, Margaret Thatcher and Warren Buffet.
In his Storyline blog, Miller suggests we take the time to sit down and ask ourselves what we would want our lives to look like if we peaked at 65—and then plan accordingly. Do the things today that will take you to that peak. Miller’s prediction is that “you’ll start rising above your peers somewhere in your thirties and continue that slight incline through your coaching and wisdom years. If you do this, you’ll be a sought after expert in your given field when you enter into your sixties, and likely well before. All your competition will be reeling in their past glory and you will still be relevant.”
Here’s some core things I would echo from Miller based on my own experience and observations. These will help you to be a leader that lasts:
Stay Connected to the Truth – Sensationalism, emotionalism and shock-jock comments are for the moment. The year-after-year truthful and trusted message will always outlast and endure the message of the moment.
Stay Consistent – Consistent quality over the long haul keeps people coming back for more. Take your time to get it right. And, make it right if you don’t get it right the first time.
Stay in Your Groove – Make sure you know what you are exceptionally good at and stick with it. Know a lot about something instead of a little about everything.
Stay with Your Long-term Plan – Short-term goals are good but if you don’t have a long-term plan, you will waste a lot of time chasing your tail. Who do you want to be when you are 65 or 75? Does your to-do list you’re working on today take you in that direction?
Miller summed up his lasting leadership musings with a couple comments I love. They are worth contemplating today. Here they are. “You are becoming tomorrow’s leader, not today’s leader. And if you’re already today’s leader, start focusing on tomorrow because today is almost done. Either way, there’s no downside to long-term vision.”
QUESTION: What qualities of an enduring leader did I miss? Please add yours in the comment section.
I’m competitive. I hate to lose at anything. I have a brother who is 18 months older than I so I learned early in life that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. We’ve all said it, “Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.” The truth is, everyone loses at some point or another. The best of the best athletes experience loss. The people who are at the top of the best organizations experience downturns. The question is, what do you do when you lose? Do you just shrug your shoulders, hang your head, accept it and move on? Or, are there other options?
One of my mentors from afar is John Maxwell. From the first time I heard him speak in 1986, through listening to tapes or CD’s and reading many of his books over the last decades, I’ve learned a bunch about leadership and life. I love the title of his newly released book, Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn. Learning is the best option when you just can’t put another mark in the “win” column.
Inventor Thomas Edison is known for his statement, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Everyone falls short of their goals at times. Everyone makes mistakes. The people who succeed are the ones who pick themselves up, dust themselves off, figure out what went wrong and give it another try with new knowledge and understanding.
Interestingly, J.K. Rowling had twelve publishers reject her Harry Potter manuscript before someone agreed to give it a try. Colonel Sanders was 65 years old when he poured his meager $105 Social Security check into his gas tank to drive around in a white suit, knocking on doors trying to sell his fried chicken recipe. He was told “no” 1,009 times before the first “yes.’ Walt Disney was turned down for Disney World financing 302 times before someone finally said “yes.” Vincent Van Gogh only sold one painting in his lifetime—and that was to a friend. Despite that he kept painting and finished over 800 pieces. There is no success without failure.
Here are three words that have helped me turn losses into wins:
REFRAME—Try to look at your situation from different angles. Ask God, family, friends or mentors to give you honest feedback. With humility, receive the suggestions and counsel of others. Use the information to get a better picture of what happened and why. Never waste a failure. You can always learn something.
REVISE—Be willing to step back and detach yourself a bit from the emotion of the loss and pretend you’re looking at someone else’s situation and think about what you might suggest to them. Be open to new ideas that are offered when you ask for feedback and then form a new plan of action.
REFOCUS—Instead of continually second-guessing yourself and inviting everyone to a huge pity party to celebrate your disappointment and failure, refocus on a new plan and how you want to proceed. Next to asking for God’s grace to fill your heart and mind and cleanse you from a sense of failure and doubt, the most crucial thing you can do to overcome disappointment is to embrace a new path and focus on what’s ahead.
Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. The hinge is all about your response to failure. Learning is always your best option when you’ve encountered a loss. And then, losing always leads to winning.
QUESTION: What would you add? I would love to hear how you turn losses into wins!
It’s a lie. Absolutely not true. The rhyme I heard on the playground in elementary school is simply false. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Words matter. Words make a difference.
There’s a catchy song by Hawk Nelson that I can’t get out of my mind. The lyrics of the song “Words” go like this:
They’ve made me feel like a prisoner
They’ve made me feel set free
They’ve made me feel like a criminal
Made me feel like a king
They’ve lifted my heart
To places I’d never been
And they’ve dragged me down
Back to where I began
Words can build you up
Words can break you down
Start a fire in your heart or
Put it out
And then the refrain of the song is a prayer of hope and commitment: “Let my words be life, Let my words be truth, I don’t wanna say a word, Unless it points the world back to You.”
King Solomon of ancient Hebrew fame said it this way, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). What if we each took that truth to heart every single day of our lives as leaders, parents, friends and neighbors. You are either going to bring life or death to your spouse, your children, your employee, your customer or a stranger today by what comes out of your mouth. That is powerful when you pause to reflect.
Every single day your words either encourage or discourage, build up or tear down, elate or deflate the people around you. What will the people you have conversations with today, experience?
Today, I’m flying from Florida to Oregon to spend a week with my parents and other family members. I plan to speak to every airport restroom worker that I see today and thank them for what they do to keep these busy restrooms clean. I can’t wait. It always seems to catch them by surprise and repeatedly brings a smile to their faces.
QUESTION: What is one thing you will do today to speak words of blessing to others? Please share it below so others are encouraged. Thanks!
